Zombies

That’s right–ZOMBIES! It’s all everyone is talking about these days but the scariest thing is that they are all around us. You see them every day (and if you don’t, I’m sorry to tell you that you’re a ZOMBIE!! Sorry to say, but yeah, you’ve already been stricken…in fact, you’re probably sitting at your computer drooling like a hungry dog. Please wipe off your desk and mouth before you continue.)

According to the dictionary, a zombie is:

a person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings.

Think about THAT description and you’re sure to realize that you’re surrounded by zombies everywhere you go. These zombies will do about anything you tell them to do without a second thought.¬†You tell them about some “news” article on a social media site and they will spread it like it’s the gospel. They watch a report on MSNBC telling them about the evil gargoyles building walls between countries, destroying the evil insurance lobby with fireballs from their eyes and proclaiming from the mountaintops that the¬†gargoyle empire is coming in to save them!

The zombie apocalypse is upon us so what are we to do about it? How do we ward off the zombie and become the Rick and Daryl of our day?

Well, there are things you can to do protect yourself:

#1: above all else:

AVOID WAL-MART!!

Yup, you heard it…avoid Wal-Mart. If you have ever gone, it’s nearly suffocating all of the zombies trolling Wal-Mart. If you want to be safe, best to avoid it completely.

#2: Don’t watch the news–Why? How much “good” news do you see on TV? Really? There’s gotta be something good out there. A fireman saving Whiskers from a tree. A teacher rescuing a puppy from a drain sewer. Even SOMEONE that goes to work on time every day and comes home without beating his family. I find it best to get my news from Sesame Street or The A-Team (It’s good…nobody ever dies and they save the town EVERY EPISODE!)

#3: If you feel the zombie taking over you, slam your head into your desk a few times…or the wall…or the floor. The zombie has crept into your brain and the only way to get it out is to just shake it out. (This method is NOT approved by the FDA or the AMA yet and can cause minor brain damage–Try it at your own risk.)

#4: Study the zombies very closely and remember DON’T BE THEM!

Remember: Be safe, be happy, don’t be a zombie!

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